They Love You, Man

Big Tobacco has your best interest at heart. No, really.

Philip Morris cares about smokers so much that it has announced plans to introduce a safer tobacco cigarette by 2017. They’re working on a couple of different products, but the one they consider most promising is a device that heats tobacco instead of burning it. Another produces aerosol that smokers can inhale. Yummy.

Phillip Morris CEO Louis Camilleri demonstrated his impressive grasp of last millennium”s business jargon in a recent speech about the new developments. “We are on the eve of what we all believe could be a paradigm shift for our industry,” he said. He threw in a couple of other business cliches like “game-changer” and “hither-to” (?),  then announced that the new devices could allow the company to tap into “the huge Chinese market.”

Surely the Chinese people are on the edge of their seats, hoping 2017 comes quickly so they can experience the wonders of heated-but-not-burnt tobacco.

In other PM news, the company announced it is reducing its full-year earnings forecast by about $.10 per share due to unfavorable exchange rates.

It’s always something.